The first drop

The first drop…

They say when something seems too good to be true, it usually isn’t true. That there is some sort of catch waiting for you. Lately, I’ve been working on manifesting this beautiful, too good to be true, dream of living a creative life into existence. I’m now at a point where it seems so simple. What I need to do is so clear and easy, and right in front of me to simply take as mine. And yet I find myself sitting and staring, waiting for the catch. Feeling as if I’ve missed something, it can’t be this easy. As if someone will come and slap my hand for taking the easy option and say jokes on you! (Probably because that was the environment I was raised in.)

The funny thing is, it isn’t all that easy to pour my heart and soul out for the world to see. It takes more courage than anything I’ve ever done!

So here I am, planning my first drop. Knowing that I will face technical difficulties and will be able to figure it out. Fully knowing that not everyone will like my work and that is ok. Fully knowing that even if my voice shakes, I still can do this. Fully knowing that even if my mom is the only person who buys a painting, I still sold a painting! Fully knowing that my imposter voice will throw a temper tantrum but I will not allow it to stop me. 

I am planning this first drop with the knowledge that dreams don’t work unless you do, and I have a huge dream to live! I am doing this knowing, I have to start somewhere. This first drop is exactly what its called, the first, meaning it is my early work and my paintings will only get better in time. 

I am also doing this as a 35 year old who has already been chewed up and spit out by life one too many times. Who tried the corporate world and is too disgusted by it to partake any more. I’m doing this drop with the courage of a 35 year old who is ready for her crayons back……. I don’t want to try to save the world any more, I just want to make it a pretty place to exist in.

Recently in my journaling, I wrote a line that I think sums up so many feelings I have about this chapter of my life. “I think my soul has been an artist it’s whole life and I made it do its choirs first.” I truly feel like I’ve only just discovered what I’m here on this earth to do, what my passion and calling is. This chapter of my life is full of so much anxiety and fear of the unknown and stepping out of my comfort zone. But it is also so calming, as if it is what I was made to do. It is one of the first things that felt beyond natural, pure magical actually.