Boundaries

Defining Boundaries for life in a Messy World…

Boundaries, such a neat and tidy word. The line in the sand you draw for your life. Even the explanation is simple and straightforward, sickening. How can such a simple straightforward word cause involuntary reactions in my body?

Because you call it a boundary, I called it quitting. I called it taking the world on alone. This big, mean, scary world, all alone. I called it doing what I had to. I didn’t have any other options. Far from neat and tidy. Mine were messy, scary to set, and ever changing.

In fact, I believe I was called a defiant teenage bitch when I started setting my own boundaries. Deep down I knew, no one should ever be treated that way. But it was my way of life, I didn’t know any other way.

You call it a boundary, I called it being so scared to death that staying wasn’t an option. Looking back, it was a turning point in forming my young, naive, shaky voice. But at the time it felt like disowning everything I believed. Turning my back on everything comfortable.

You call it a boundary, I called it a bipolar father. I called it saving myself from venomous, hateful words. Words I still hear decades later. Words that formed me into a kind, caring, understanding woman who is a fierce and fearless lady.

A force to be reckoned with. A warrior.

About:

‘Unapologetically me’

During my soul search journey, I’ve started painting. She is so many expressions and emotions in one. I love her!

Lately, I’ve been doing some soul searching and it has brought up a chapter in my life that I don’t read out loud often. From the outside it appeared that I had a perfect life and a perfect family however, the older I got the more dysfunction I noticed. While never diagnosed, I full heartedly believe my father was bipolar. In fact, in my early 20’s he took his own life, a struggle he battled his entire life.

It forced me to become an adult and to care for myself at a very young age by normal standards. But it shaped me into someone I’m very proud of. While I typically don’t read that chapter of my life out loud, I’m starting to love what that chapter turned me into. How it formed me. How it softened me and hardened me at the same time.

Throughout life, I’ve met with counselors and a life coach to help navigate the life I was dealt. The word boundary comes up often. Typically from someone telling me how proud that I set such healthy boundaries in my life. It’s always brought mixed emotions but I think this describes some of those emotions.